Superhero’s

I am always looking for things to write about. While  I was reading on MyKLove this morning, I came this article: My Superhero Identity and it really hit me in the gut.  I mean…..Who did  you look up to in the superhero world?  Which one was your “Number One Person” ?  I have to admit that I agree with Pastor Joesy about Wonder Woman.  I  did have some of the same thoughts about Wonder Woman.  But to tell you truth, I didn’t identify with a hero at all,  but a little bit  of a villain.

My person was  Cat Woman.  My life kinda mirrors hers, yes, I even stole and made some destruction in my time. Doesn’t most teenagers to some extent? I was a mouse coming up.  I know….Now, that is hard to believe with my loud mouth and direct questions, but I didn’t know how to stand up for myself.  I was always looking for the approval of a man because I never got the approval of my father.  He wanted a boy and I defiantly was not that.  He did teach me to have a firm handshake.  I have be told that I could brake someone’s hand with my handshake.  LOL

Cat Woman  was weak in the first place and a little helpless stepped on mouse who didn’t know how to stand up for herself.  Then the frightful night came and she got taken by the cats, only to awake to a brand new day.  She discovered that she was more with the help of the cats, and that is when she was turned to hurt men because she saw them as the ones that put her down.

I was this weak wallflower  like Cat Woman until a man beat me so bad that I almost lost one of my children and I finally found the courage to call the police and send him to jail.  The judge  then sent me to AL-ANON.  In that first year I finally found that I was not  this weak little thing that most people in my life had told me I was.  I also found out that I had a voice and more strength  to stand on my own two legs without depending on a man for everything.   I took my kids out of a bad situation and tried to raise them on my own.

Now my Superhero is Jesus.  I will follow Him anywhere.  He is my Lord and Savior.  I love Him very much.  God is my Father and is Love.  He is teaching me how to Love better and intimately.  I also love him.  I am filled with the Holy Spirit.  I listen to him all the time so that I can know what God wants me to read in His Word, study and take into my  heart, and what He wants me to do and say and know. Praise the Lord for His grace and mercy!!!

Becoming the Woman God Wants Me to Be – Day 1&2

Place Your Full Confidence in God/ Commit Yourself to Time Alone with God

Scripture of Week to Memorize

“A Wife of Noble Character who can find?

She is worth far more than rubies.

Her Husband Has full confidence in her

and lacks nothing of value.”

Proverbs 31:10-11

 

Passage of Day to Read – Day 1

“For your Maker is your Husband —

the Lord Almighty is His name —

the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer:

he is called the God of all the earth.

The Lord will call you back

as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit —

 a wife who married young,

only to be rejected” says your God.

Isaiah 54:5-6

Passage to Read – Day 2

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.

Simon and his companions went to look for , and when they found him, they exclaimed: “Everyone is looking for you!”

Jesus replied, “Let us go somewhere else — to the nearby villages — so I can preach there also. That is why I have come.”

So he traveled throughout Galilee, preaching in their synagogues and driving out demons.

Mark 1:35-39

Day 1

Today the trait  “noble” is harder to find more than ever before.  Let’s define it first.  It means dignified and gracious.  In the Amplified Bible the word for noble is rendered “capable, intelligent, and virtuous.” Such a woman would definitely be hard to find in the world today. Are you such a woman?  Am I?  Not yet, but I am working on it.  Work on it with me. 

We are intelligent, dignified, virtuous, capable, gracious women who fill with full confidence in those whose around and in whom rely on us most no matter whom that shall be. People around cam have total confidence in us because our confidence rests in God and we live appropriately.

What’s the ultimate sign that someone loves you?  It is that they would lay down their life for you. Well, God has shown his love for us. Jesus laid down his life to make sure that someday in the future each of us will be special guests at the ultimate wedding in heaven, when Jesus holds the celebration for the church as his eternal bride. (see Revelations 21)

Don’t focus on human feedback.  Focus on your relationship with you Heavenly Husband and live to please Him.  During God’s metamorphose of your life, You will become a even more beautiful bride and a woman of noble character that will in the end bring her praise from the people most important.  It will not happen over night, but enjoy the inner satisfaction that come from becoming the woman God wants me to be.

Day 2

Prayer is your direct line to God and is so important that you should have a special place that is only yours and God’s.  Let it be your Pray Closet ( oasis, corner, space, or just plan area) that is set aside just for your time with God.

Henri Nouwen said,

“Discipline is the human effort to  the space  in which

God can be generous and give us what we need. “

 

According to Proverbs 31 the husband is to have “full confidence” in his wife. “Confidence comes in a relationship from investing time in that relationship.”  You have to communicate in that relationship. So that for God to have full confidence in you, you have to talk to Him and obey him.

“God wants us to stand out as woman who know we have something of value.  If you want to have something valuable  to offer the world, we must have something of value to offer.” The value we are talking about is more than material value.  See this  world puts dollars and cents on everything.  They put it on human lives. Yes, it’s still legal in some countries.  But I’m talking about investing your time in seeking and exploring heavenly treasures such as knowledge of Scripture, and the power to demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit, spiritual insight, ability to carry the presence of God with us where go,

Do you want to be an inspiration to the people that you meet and to everyone around you and mean something to you? Yes, you do! The only way you can do that is by putting God first in your life and talking to Him first thing in the morning?

Bruce Wilkison said,

“I have yet to find a respected leader throughout history who had devotions at night.”

Morning talks with God set to tone for the day.  If you talk to God first thing in the morning, God can also order your life. I  ask Him what He wants me to do that day and He lets me know.

I have found that I have the worst days when I am rushed out the door and miss my time with God.  It’s my own fault because I didn’t hear my alarm, but my day is just no good.  Now on those I try to make time for God and then after that my day does seem to get better.  I know how that sounds, but it is true!

Before you meet with husband, , before you face your family,  before fix breakfast, before deal with the whole world, before you absolutely anything, start your day our right by having a meeting with God.

I challenge you to take the first 30 minutes or more every day for 2 weeks straight to talk  to God. Then leave me a comment and let me know how you feel.  I know that God have worked miracles in my life just because I spend time talking to Him.

That Frightful Night

I thought I was a normal kid.  I was a preacher’s kid to begin with so I had a mark set against me to start with, but other than that I thought I was normal until that night oh so many nights ago…..

I was ten years old and it was a cold, winter night, when all of a sudden I was awoken by a scream ripping through the air from my mom’s room’.  I didn’t know what was going on.  I was scared and on my feet before I knew it. . As I was wiping sleep from my eyes, I slowly made my way around the hallway to my mom’s room to see what was going on.  A little light came through the ajar door as  another scream ripped the night! I jump back and covered my mouth trying not to cry out myself.

I slowly open the door.  Mom in a flowing nightgown,  is kneeling in the middle of her bed, reaching out with her arms as if trying to protect herself and screaming at the top of her lungs: “Don’t let the Head and Hands get me!”: “They are going to get me!”: “Keep them from me” just to show a few.  She was so upset and not making any sense.  She was totally alone in the room.  There was no one trying to get her.  There were no floating heads or hands flying around the room.  Evening being 10, I could see that.  I was scared and I could not understand what was wrong with my mom.  It didn’t make any kind of logic.

I tried getting her to stop screaming, and of course that doesn’t happen. I finally called my grandparents and they told me to call 911 and they were on their way.  I tried not to cry and stay calm while still trying to get my mom to calm down herself until help came.  You know how on TV they used to show people going to the mental hospital as being taken by men in white coats. Well, I’m here to tell you that it was the case at least when I was a child.  My grandparents took me out of the house after I got a bag together, and the men in white coats took mom after they shot her with some kind of medication to calm her down.

Before I could see my mom, her doctor had to discuss a few things with me.  It turns out that my mom has the disease Manic Depression, but more importantly she suffers from another disease called schizophrenia that caused her to act the way that she did the other night at home.  She was seeing and hearing things that were not there called hallucinations.  He explained that my mother was fighting against demons in her head that only she could see and hear and that I was not to worry about them getting me because they were only after my mom.  This scared me because I understood demons from my dad and I didn’t want them after my mom, but the doctor said that he would fix mom.

Later I went to see her at the Meridian Mental Hospital in Mississippi.  She had undergone ECT, or Electric Shock Treatment, which is where they strap a person down, put electrodes on each temple, a plate in your mouth, and send a whole hell of a lot of electric current through a body to kill brain cells.  She didn’t even know I was her daughter.  She could barely speak to me and had no feeling in her at all.  It took everything in me not to cry or scream at her to wake her up and tell her, “I’m your daughter.”  I finally had to run from the room back to my grandparents arms.  I cried all the way home in Oxford.

After months, she came home, and after more months we went back to our house on Hillside and again we were alone together.  I  never quite felt safe anymore, but I couldn’t let her know that because it might send her into another fit and they may have to make her forget me again if that happened.

That’s the night that everything changed for me…..That’s the night that a scream ripped through the my life….

Journal 2018 – Day 3 – Mixed State

I have to apoligize for not posting these last few days. I’ve been in a mood and today is no exception.  The thing is Today I want to talk. {Now YOU know YOUR in TROUBLE   LOL} My mind is racing and body shaking and I can’t get anything done. My mind is like a humming bird darting from this flower to that flower.  Taking just a little from each one. This is normal for what is called in the Bipolar realm as a Mixed State.  I can’t keep a thought in my head.  My fingers are floating on the computer just trying to keep up with the thoughts flying out of my mind.  It is so hard to try to keep my mind on one topic so that this is understandable because my mind is so full of so many things that I want to tell you.

Mixed states are kinda funny.  I’ve been dealing with Mental Illness for more than half my life, but it wasn’t until the last five years that I’ve come to understand and better deal with this area of it.  Mixed states are defined by episodes of both mania and depression at the same time or in rapid sequence without any downtime.  Mania when in a mixed state involves irritability, high energy, racing thoughts and speech and over activity. Depression features the same symptopms as normal such as sadness, loss of interest in well everything, low energy, feelings of guilt and worthlessness, and thoughts of suicide.  I know it sounds impossible that both the high energy of Mania and the worthlessness and thoughts of despair of Depression could be going on at the sameGoo time in one human being, but I am here to tell you that it happens a lot more often than you think.  What do you think about A person that is crying when she is happy and saying that she is having the best time of her life.  Is she really happy or sad?  Yes!  Both!  She is in a mixed state.

I have the added characteristic of being a rapid cycler. This mean my emotions are all over the map a lot of the time.  You know what an EKG looks like with the rapid up/down lines? Well? Imagine that is a person’s emotions where they are high for a while then they are okay then sad and do on.  But you my moods actually change as fast as an EKG looks with the almost straight lines.  I can be happy, sad, crying, mad, angry, rage, sad, then happy and  laughing my head off okay all within an hour without anyone causing the changes.  The medication I am on now helps a lot, but I still have episodes which I don’t like.

Good night for now.  I’ll write more tomorrow…..maybe….lol!

Stopped Smoking TOO Late

Last night I went to the hospital ER for the second tine in as many weeks due to coughing and breathing problems.  Boy,  do I hate the ER., but the coughing had gotten so bad I had lost my breath several times and it has scared me.  It feels like a five pound stone is sitting on my chest and I can’t get any air in my lungs. It’s to the point of actual pain to take a single breath.  After the x-ray and steroids and a 45 breathing treatment,  I was told for the second time that I had a COPD exacerbation and they were sending me home with steroids for five days.  I asked about staying on steroids which are the only thing they have to help, but was told that was up to my Lung Doctor.

I asked what I could do at home to keep from having these exacerbations and was told to stop smoking. and I told her that  I stopped smoking on June 3, 2017 so that was a BIG check! What else? Don’t be around other smokers.  Check! Then it was stuff like taking my medication, eating healthy, and living in a clean environment and so on. That was all a Check!  “Well, the answer is Nothing!” the doctor said, “You just waited too late to stop smoking.  There is just too much damage done to your lungs.”  GREAT!!!!!

These were the worst words that I could have heard.  After having survived Hepatitis C, with a Liver in good condition and few ill effects.  I have also survived childhood abuse with only PTSD.  I am working with the medication to handle the Bipolar and schizoaffective disorders so you see my life is not so bad.  I just need a god-fearing man in it.  But if  I can’t breath what kind of life do I have to look forward to?

Now sitting here in the cruel light of morning, it still looks bad, but I am a god-fearing woman. So I am turning this over to the Lord.  He is my Lord and Savior. “By his stripes we are healed,” Isaiah 53:3 KJV I am claiming this over my lungs and breathing.  I am healed! Praise the Lord.  My God is a merciful God and He will see me through this.  I will praise His name no matter what.

To Complain or Not To Complain?

There are a lot of reasons to complain, but the main reason is pain.  Pain.  It is an interesting word.  It comes in so many different shapes and sizes.  In the Dictionary it means a feeling triggered in the nervous system. What a simple answer for such a complex word that causes so many feelings and emotions and images that come to ones mind and/or heart.  Some people can handle it so easily and others have such a struggle with just a paper cut which is nothing at all much less a busted lip or black eye.   Pain can manifest itself in so many very different ways; physically, sexually, mentally, emotionally and verbally.  It can feel like a pin prick at the tip of your finger, or a sting by a bee, the burn of the flame of fire, the ache of muscles well used, or the tingle of your funny bone after you have hit it on something hard.  If your lucky you only experience pain in one way in one area of your body such as only having mild Migraines.  Unfortunately, I have pain in several different areas and the pain is varied in multiple ways and intensity.  Some of  pain is correctable but not all so  I am classified as in chronic pain.  Chronic pain effects about 86 million people in American.  They range from mild chronic pain to severe chronic pain. Because I’m in the high mild chronic pain, I am on medications, but my pain doctor is trying  nerve blocks to cut down on some of the pain and it is working in some of the areas, but unfortunately not all.

For a long while I was constantly talking about my pain to everyone who would listen and some who wouldn’t. When people  asked me how I was doing, I would actually tell them about all the pain I was in and how depressed I was.  It turned people away from me, even though I didn’t realize it at the time.  I was so self absorbed and wrapped up in my pain-put-upon me wrap.  Finally, a friend who had not cut me off was brave enough to tell me to my face that they were tired of hearing all the negative thoughts that I was saying and to stop complaining.  She also told me that maybe if I didn’t talk about it so much, the pain might not be so bad.

Well, It made me stop and think.   I started thinking about other people for the first time in a long time. Would I like to hear about nothing but someone’s pain everyday, all day, long without stop?  No!  Would I try to do something about it? Yes, if I could.  If I couldn’t,  I’d do what I could for that person and pray for them.  I have started watching my words and trying extremely hard to stop talking about the pain at all , but there are times that the pain is just so bad that it  has to be acknowledged if for no other reason than to ask for pray or when you hit a hole in the road and your head hits the roof for your car.  .

My friend did make me think about the complaining, and I wanted to know what God said about it.   First, I had to define pain and complain as they apply in the Bible. According to the Vine’s Complete Expository Dictionary by W.E. Vine,  in the New Testament of the bible,  pain is both a noun and a verb.  As a noun it can be one of two Greek words; either pono  – “anguish” as in Revelation 16:10 or  ocin – “travail pain” as in Matthew 24:8 or “sorrows” as in 1 Thessalonians 5:3.  As a verb it can be basanizo or “ to rub on the touchstone to put to the test.” In this statement a ” touchstone” is a dark stone used in testing metals.  It can also mean in general “to distress” as in Revelation 12:2.

Now that we have an idea about what the Bible says about pain, let’s look at what it says about complaining.  In the Old Testament there are three different Greek words for complainer or complaint.  There are 1)mempsimoiros means “one who complains” or “complaining of one’s lot” as in Jude16. 2)momphe means “blame” or “occasion of complaint” or “quarrel” as in Colossians 3:13. 3) aitoma means “in charge” or complaints” as in Acts 25:7.

So we know the definitions but do we have the understanding of theses words and can easily use them yet? No! We need to put the definitions into action, so let us look into the Bible and see what God says about these concepts.  After Adam and Eve fall from grace, one of the things that God did was intensify a woman’s labor pains and added painful efforts with children.  Also because of their biting of the apple, we all as well will experience the pain of death.

According to Psalm 142:2 KJV we are suppose to lay complaints at God’s feet. In Isaiah 53 we get a eye opener on how both God and man look at these two concepts. It is clear that even when we were sinners, God loved us.  He took on all our sicknesses and He carries all our pains.  It also shows us as well that man has never treated prophets and men of God very nicely, but we were especially cruel to Jesus.

You have to keep in mind that God did everything for us that he has done not because of anything that  we could have done on this earth or in heaven.  We are born into sin thanks to Adam and Eve.  Not one of us is innocent and that includes babies. We have to stop complaining all the time or thinking that we are entitled to something in this world.  Thank be to God for loving us so much that he took on all our bad stuff so that we may have all of God’s good stuff.  AMEN

 

Nerve Block – Much Better

Wow!  I mean, “Really WOW!!!!”  My head and my neck finally don’t hurt.  I mean it is like a veil of pain has been lifted off my head and completely removed.  That nerve block is suppose to be the one that is really good and will last a long time.  It should take care of my lightning headaches and my neck and right shoulder pain.  It will be nice to be able to raise my right arm over my head without it hurting me…LOL  I might even be able to turn my head without too much pain….WOW!!!!! Even thought This block is suppose to be the best unfortunately there is no cure for the ALMIGHTY MIGRAINE!!!

I really wish they did have a magic cure of migraines.  They are the worst. You can’t move around because you are so sick. You can’t stand light or sound of any kind. You are literally just lying there praying for it to go away because you can’t take any medication because you vomit it up.  Sometimes they are so bad that you get to see things like pink pot-a-dot animals, but that doesn’t happen very often.

Well, I’m really happy that I don’t have one of those thing morning or should  tonight since the sun has not come up yet….lol  Talk to you later. and have a Blessed day!

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