Tolerating the Devil?

I am amazed at the world today and it is not in a good way. I was reading Matthew Winter’s ‘What happened to tolerance?” and it brought it all to a head for me. I was not happy about it all and I have to have my say.

I was born in 1967. I was taught morals and what was right was right. What was wrong was wrong. Every man and woman no matter their skin tone deserved an equal pay and vote. I remember after homework and afternoon snack if the weather was nice and sometimes when it was not outside we would go until dinner was on the table or it was dark. Our toys were the dirt and the trees and the grass. We had play clothes and school clothes and church clothes, and you did not get them mixed up. You always went to church on Sunday, there just was no talking yourself out of it. You had church and school dances and plenty of outing to go to that kept you busy tell your of age to date. Then your in High School and the pressure’s on. How far do you let the boy go? Too far and your a slut not far enough and your a prissy. A girl just couldn’t win. If you had sex in high school you weren’t the kind to take home to mom. If you waited too long, the guy loses interest. Now I’m a PK, Preacher’s Kid, so I had it worst than most and It didn’t help when the second guy I ever dated came back to school and said I was a home run when we didn’t even kiss much less hold hands. I was so upset. It pretty much put me off dating till college. I will tell you for a date with a college guy I did walk 6 miles into town , and it was safe to do that. I got a ride back home, and I did get in trouble for sneaking out and that was in 1985.

Here’s a true story that will really show the times we live in. I’m in the 5th grade, two popular girls came up to me after class and kept asking me who I was gay with. I kept saying, “Well, Scott, Makes me laugh. and Eric, always had good jokes.” But it wasn’t until I said,” But my Mom makes me the happiest with these little notes that she leaves me all over the house.” They run off yelling at the top of their lungs, “Cheryl’s gay with her Mother!” I turned red and started to cry though I didn’t know why. I ran home that day tears rolling down my cheeks. I asked Mom about it and she didn’t know. This wasn’t new because to Mom, a French kiss was oral sex. So I went to GrandDad and that was when I found out there was another meaning to the word gay.

Now I’ve raised my children the best that I could in this world. There are now armed guards in their schools and metal detectors as well. My kids could not have metal lunch boxes or any metal at all except for keys to home. They were locked in during the day for their own security. These days we have school shooters killing our children in these locked down schools. Gangs run our streets to the point where it is safer to join a gang than it is to try to live on your own without their protection. There are a lot more places that children and even adults can’t go out of their homes to the corner store alone without fear of harm. Even in the country parts of Mississippi where I grew up I read of a man killing his neighbor just for his land because his neighbor wouldn’t sell to him. It is getting wrong in the world when brother is fighting brother over a piece of land. I want to tell them, “It’s all good. It all belongs to God!!!!!! It’s not yours anyway.”

We are in the End Times! The only thing wrong with the End Times is that God never said how long it would last. But if you really look around you will see without difficulty the prophecies coming true. Man is laying with Man. Woman is laying with woman. Babies are having babies because the government pays them more for the more kids they have despite the fact that they don’t know how to raise them or not have the room to house them properly, as well as can’t handle the number of children that they have. Young men turning to drug dealing because it’s easy money and dropping out of school to do it. More homeless Vets because the government can’t help them now that they are out of the service. This is NOT of God!!!!! We are NOT to Tolerate this. People are asking where is God. Well there is a song that says that, “That’s why God created you!” When are YOU going to start standing up and fighting for what God stands for instead of “Tolerating” the Devil? Are You all arm chair quarterbacks? When are You going to get into the game of life? On Whose side are You playing?

I am in Prayer

Psalm 109:4 NLT

“I love them, but they try to destroy me with accusations even as I am praying for them!”

People come in so many shapes and sizes. No two are alike even in identical twins there are at least some differences.  It’s the way that God designed it.  People though, try to make themselves like each other, and when your not, they get unkind about it.  They also get unkind if you are better than they are in the work place or if they “think” at being a wife or mother.  It all bowls down to how the other person really “Thinks”.  Some people hold you up to an impossible standard like your children sometimes or your husband or boyfriend.  Then there are some people that should hold you up, but don’t which is just plain sad.

When you don’t preform up to other people’s standards or in the fashion that they think you should, they tend to “tear you down” and say bad things about you.  That is what this passage of Scripture is talking about today.  Some people want to destroy you because they “think” you have a better life than they have.  Others because you have something they want.  Still others because you’ve got something they want. And still others because they want to win, and finally others just to break you and  put you down into the ground.  It’s not pretty, but it’s the Human Truth – “Everyone out for themselves at any cost to their fellow man.”  Of Course this is not God’s Way, “Love your Neighbor as Yourself.” unfortunately.

Satan wants us at each other’s throats and fighting for everything we have tooth and knuckle.  He would have us bloody and weak from all our fighting amongst ourselves.  That way he could just swoop in and take us easy, without a fight.  Satan doesn’t like to fight.  He likes to come in the back door like a burglar and kill you from the inside out all nice  and quiet.  He can’t stand the light of God because Jesus already defeated him.

You see Jesus brought the Satan out into the Light and Defeated him once and for all so we don’t have to be afraid of him anymore.  Satan is like a lion without any teeth.  All he can do is roar at you.  I mean, what’s else is he going to do?…..Gum you to death?..,….LOL   1 Peter 5:8 States it perfectly – NLT “Stay Alert! Watch out for your great enemy the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.”

When we find ourselves in these situations and the devil is hard on our cases,  All we have to do is turn to God in prayer and He will give us strength to endure anything.  I love my Heavenly Father so very much.  He has gotten me through some very hard times, and it was all through prayer and obedience.  Even if all you can do is say Jesus’s name out loud, that in itself is a mighty prayer because there is power in the name of Jesus!!!!!  Jesus has always been there for me and I know that He will always be there for you and get you through too.

Dear Heavenly Father,

 Please be with Whomever is reading this post right now and speak to their hearts.  Let them know that You are near and that You’ve got things well in hand even if  everything around them is spinning out of control at this time. Wrap your strong arms of comfort, peace and joy around them and let them know in their soul that they are truly loved. I humbly ask these things in thy Son’s name, AMEN

Journal 2018 – Day 5 – Mood Swings

Mood Swings are such a pain in the butt.  Oh, how I wish things could go back to the good old days.  Back before I knew what depression, mania, hypomania, schizophrenia, and mixed states all meant.  Back when I was just an angry child who was always getting into fights because I have an Irish temper and a bad attitude.  Oh, the trouble I’d get into because of my rage.  Mom and I would get into such fights.  She had a good 8 inches to a foot in height on me and way over a 100 pounds, but I could knock her out when I wanted to because I had done it before once completely by accident.  What can I tell you?  She fell easily.

Now Back to the point…….Yes…..Yes….Mood Swings!  They can be easy like a breeze or violent like a hurricane. They can be brief or last for ages.  They can even be small like a drop in the a puddle or large as if a ripple in a lake.   They can be high as the clouds in the sky or low as Hell is from Heaven.  There is just no telling what is coming next with mood swings.  They are just so tricky way which is the big problem with them.

A time in the life with Mood Swings is as follows:

It’s 6:30 am and the sound of the alarm shatters sleep from your mind.  You don’t want to be awake, but you are.  You check around the room just to make sure of where you are and to take a mental note of yourself.  You slowly get up out of  bed, taking inventory and coming to the conclusion that your are in an okay mood today.  You have to check in with yourself every morning to make sure of how your feel because there is no telling otherwise.

You check your planner to see what is on the agenda for the day and lay out the clothes that you will wear for the day.  All of a sudden, anger falls on you as if the red fever just swift through the room and you don’t like the clothes you just picked out. You don’t want to go where you are suppose to go today.  You start yelling at the top of your lungs about everything that comes into your mind. Then a wave of laughter hits you so hard, you fall to the floor of your room rolling.  You just can’t stop laughing.  You don’t know why your laughing.  It’s as if someone as told you the best joke in the world and you just can’t stop laughing.  Then you choke!    Out of the blue you start crying as if someone stole your favorite teddy bear. Your still on the floor with tears running down your face.  You can’t get up because you are so upset.  You try to calm down and pull yourself together.  It takes time, but you finally do it.  Now your okay and finally get ready and walk out of your room.  When you look at the clock, you see that all that happened inside an hour.  Now it’s time to face the day.

Now, not all mood swings are this extreme or quick changing, but this gives you a good picture of the kind of feelings and emotions that a person deals with when they are dealing with mood swings.

Another things that I would like to address is the fact that people who do not have severe mood swings think that it is easy to deal with both yourself and the world around you because they don’t have a problem with it, but when you are fighting with yourself and dealing with the world at the same time, it is not easy in any way, shape or form.  It can be down right hard.  For example:

You have your mind telling you that your are sad, but it is more that sadness and you don’t know why and don’t know how to get out of it. You really just don’t want to do anything at all to tell the truth.  The sadness is more than just sadness.  It is something that you can’t explain, but people don’t want to hear that.  They just want you to get over it and do your job.    Then you have things that you HAVE to do in the world such as work and deal with people.  On top of that people in the workplace want you to be happy with a smile and with sadness you can’t smile.  So we try so very hard to please everyone and force that smile on our lips, but it is a false smile.

I hope you now have an idea of what mood swings are about.  Feel free to comment.

Jeremiah 29:11 Misunderstood?

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”

Jeremiah 29:11  (KJV)


In other versions of the Bible the word, “thoughts” are changed to the word, “plans”.  This seems like a straightforward, direct, no holds bar, statement on the outside.  Let us look on the inside.  This statement sounds out of context like God is talking to every single person individually.  Let’s take a look at Jeremiah 29:4 (KJV)) and test this fact;

“Thus saith the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, unto all that are carried away captives, whom I have caused to be carried away from Jerusalem unto Babylon;”

Do my eyes deceive me? Does that look like a one or all?  By George I think is talking to ALL His people instead of just one person at a time.  I guess God can get tired of saying the same thing over and over again.  (LOL)  So the you in Jeremiah 29:11 is not meant for an individual but for all of God’s people.  Isn’t it grand that God knows our thoughts before we do?

Okay, let’s look at something else that may surprise you even more.  There was a condition on this promise.  Let’s look at Jeremiah 29:10 (KJV);

“For thou saith the Lord, that after seventy years be accomplished at Babylon I will visit you, and perform my good word toward you, to causing you to return to this place.”

Did I read that right? God’s wasn’t coming right then?  He’s going to make His people wait?  Why?  Because it was better for His people?  How is waiting better for his people?  Maybe they needed to get their act together.  Maybe  they needed to grow during this time of captivity and learn things. The important thing is that after 70 years, God came to carry them away to  Jerusalem.  They had to go through the storm of Babylon before they can reap the glory of God.

The storms are going to come, but God will bring you through them.  I have found myself having  to go through the storm a lot more often than not before I got to where God wanted me to be.  Of course, that might be because I grew up learning things at the University of Hard Knocks and didn’t really start listening or paying attention to advice from others until I was in my 30’s and 40’s.  What can I say?  I’m a preacher’s kids…..LOL

Even though this was a “you-do / me-do”  from a very long ago, it is still in effect today.  All God wants us to do is LOVE HIM and put HIM FIRST IN OUR LIVES. OBEY HIM and, let HIM TAKE CONTROL for change.  I know how hard it is to GIVE CONTROL OVER TO GOD because it’s the  one area that I am having the most trouble in.  I Like my control (LOL).  But it’s better His Way!  He wants to love us and take care of us and have only good things for us instead of all the bad that is in the world today.  We are here to show Jesus to the World.  Are you showing Jesus or something/someone else?

Prayer:

God, how I love You!!  You are way too good for me.  Please forgive me of my sins.  Thank You for everything that You do for me.  Thank You for keeping me safe for all these years and for all the years to come.  Thank You for all the blessings that You have given me and anyone reading this and all the ones in the future.   You are the Great Healer, Lord.  Please restore health to me and take away this pain.  “I didn’t earn it.  I don’t deserve it, but You give Yourself away.”  (from the song, “Reckless Love”).  Praise be to the Father, The Son, and The Holy Sprit. In Jesus Name I Pray, Amen.

Have a Blessed Day!!!!

 

 

Journal 2018 – Day 4 – Bipolar II

Well, I guess it’s about time to talk about the BIG ANIMAL IN THE ROOM called  BIPOLAR II.  It is the most misunderstood mental illness in the book.  Some people think it’s about the crazy, emotional people that can’t control themselves in public and others think it’s just depressed people that  live on their own in the woods and parks in and around our cities. How about those people locked up in the mental hospital?  Some of them could be Bipolar. I”m here to tell you that all are right and wrong.

We’ve all heard the commercial from TV or radio that states, “Do you feel happy and energetic on some days, but then sad and sluggish on other days? If so, and if your symptoms persist for extended periods of time, making it difficult for you to live your life as you usually would, then you may want to speak with your healthcare provider.” (FREE TV)

There are some Key Points in  this passage:

  1. First let me clarify, you don’t have to be “happy” at all. and secondly, you don’t have to be both “happy” then “sad” then “happy” again. You can just be “depressed” or “sad”.  There is no set formula to go by.  The doctors play it by ear.
  2. Symptoms have to persist for an extended period of time which means more than two weeks to a month.
  3. This condition has to have made it difficult for you to live your life normally.
  4. Finally, You NEED to talk to your Healthcare Provider about it before IT’S TOO LATE..  When it first starts disrupting your life get help! Please!  It can get serious really fast!!!!

Back when I was first diagnosed, there was only one kind of depression and it was called Manic Depression.  It was a unipolar depression.  You only got really depressed like you were falling down a deep well with no hope of coming up or seeing daylight again. Later the “people in the know” came to discover a new type of depression called bipolar depression which is part of a larger condition of  bipolar  disorder where there were two poles of extreme emotions, both highs and lows.  The highs were not “happy” but euphoric and top of the world feelings.  You feel like you can do anything.  Your mind races at 90 mph like a car, but you can also turn irritable. The Lows were not always “sadness” but deeper than that and into hopelessness, depression, and the extreme would be thoughts of suicide.  After several years, “the powers that be” changed everything again and divided Bipolar Disorder into Bipolar I (More of Mania  or “highs” and  some Depression) and Bipolar II (Some Hypomania (Mixed states or “mid-highs” but mainly depression).  You will get mixed states in both.

According to WebMD, Bipolar is a very serious disease and can be risky behavior and even suicidal tendencies,  Bipolar disorder is a lifelong or chronic illness.  There is no cure for it.  It affects the brain in ways that cause unpredictably extreme mood swings that vary in length and duration.  There is no known cause of Bipolar disorder;, but a combination of genetics, altered brain structure, chemistry and environment may play a role.

Here are a few fun facts just for your knowledge:

  1. Bipolar disorder affects about 5.7 Million American adults in any given year and as many as 60 million people worldwide.
  2. More than half of all patients begin seeing symptoms between the ages of 15 and 25, but it can begin at any age.
  3. There is no cure, but for many people the symptoms can be controlled with medication and treatment.
  4. Some people may experience mood swings that are less extreme than a full manic episode , known as hypomania.
  5. People with bipolar disorder often also have other mental health disorders (Sources : Mayo Clinic and Others)

I’m normally not one for stats, but I do like my lists.  (LOL)  Look here.  It’s a disease, first and for most.  Yes there is no cure, but it can be managed by medication and therapy and in extreme cases, hospitals, straps and really good drugs.  (LOL)  Most of us live relatively normal lives and only those closest to us know that we are mentally ill. We don’t have pointed ears or a forked tongues.  We look pretty much alike.

 

 

 

That Frightful Night

I thought I was a normal kid.  I was a preacher’s kid to begin with so I had a mark set against me to start with, but other than that I thought I was normal until that night oh so many nights ago…..

I was ten years old and it was a cold, winter night, when all of a sudden I was awoken by a scream ripping through the air from my mom’s room’.  I didn’t know what was going on.  I was scared and on my feet before I knew it. . As I was wiping sleep from my eyes, I slowly made my way around the hallway to my mom’s room to see what was going on.  A little light came through the ajar door as  another scream ripped the night! I jump back and covered my mouth trying not to cry out myself.

I slowly open the door.  Mom in a flowing nightgown,  is kneeling in the middle of her bed, reaching out with her arms as if trying to protect herself and screaming at the top of her lungs: “Don’t let the Head and Hands get me!”: “They are going to get me!”: “Keep them from me” just to show a few.  She was so upset and not making any sense.  She was totally alone in the room.  There was no one trying to get her.  There were no floating heads or hands flying around the room.  Evening being 10, I could see that.  I was scared and I could not understand what was wrong with my mom.  It didn’t make any kind of logic.

I tried getting her to stop screaming, and of course that doesn’t happen. I finally called my grandparents and they told me to call 911 and they were on their way.  I tried not to cry and stay calm while still trying to get my mom to calm down herself until help came.  You know how on TV they used to show people going to the mental hospital as being taken by men in white coats. Well, I’m here to tell you that it was the case at least when I was a child.  My grandparents took me out of the house after I got a bag together, and the men in white coats took mom after they shot her with some kind of medication to calm her down.

Before I could see my mom, her doctor had to discuss a few things with me.  It turns out that my mom has the disease Manic Depression, but more importantly she suffers from another disease called schizophrenia that caused her to act the way that she did the other night at home.  She was seeing and hearing things that were not there called hallucinations.  He explained that my mother was fighting against demons in her head that only she could see and hear and that I was not to worry about them getting me because they were only after my mom.  This scared me because I understood demons from my dad and I didn’t want them after my mom, but the doctor said that he would fix mom.

Later I went to see her at the Meridian Mental Hospital in Mississippi.  She had undergone ECT, or Electric Shock Treatment, which is where they strap a person down, put electrodes on each temple, a plate in your mouth, and send a whole hell of a lot of electric current through a body to kill brain cells.  She didn’t even know I was her daughter.  She could barely speak to me and had no feeling in her at all.  It took everything in me not to cry or scream at her to wake her up and tell her, “I’m your daughter.”  I finally had to run from the room back to my grandparents arms.  I cried all the way home in Oxford.

After months, she came home, and after more months we went back to our house on Hillside and again we were alone together.  I  never quite felt safe anymore, but I couldn’t let her know that because it might send her into another fit and they may have to make her forget me again if that happened.

That’s the night that everything changed for me…..That’s the night that a scream ripped through the my life….

Journal 2018 – Day 3 – Mixed State

I have to apoligize for not posting these last few days. I’ve been in a mood and today is no exception.  The thing is Today I want to talk. {Now YOU know YOUR in TROUBLE   LOL} My mind is racing and body shaking and I can’t get anything done. My mind is like a humming bird darting from this flower to that flower.  Taking just a little from each one. This is normal for what is called in the Bipolar realm as a Mixed State.  I can’t keep a thought in my head.  My fingers are floating on the computer just trying to keep up with the thoughts flying out of my mind.  It is so hard to try to keep my mind on one topic so that this is understandable because my mind is so full of so many things that I want to tell you.

Mixed states are kinda funny.  I’ve been dealing with Mental Illness for more than half my life, but it wasn’t until the last five years that I’ve come to understand and better deal with this area of it.  Mixed states are defined by episodes of both mania and depression at the same time or in rapid sequence without any downtime.  Mania when in a mixed state involves irritability, high energy, racing thoughts and speech and over activity. Depression features the same symptopms as normal such as sadness, loss of interest in well everything, low energy, feelings of guilt and worthlessness, and thoughts of suicide.  I know it sounds impossible that both the high energy of Mania and the worthlessness and thoughts of despair of Depression could be going on at the sameGoo time in one human being, but I am here to tell you that it happens a lot more often than you think.  What do you think about A person that is crying when she is happy and saying that she is having the best time of her life.  Is she really happy or sad?  Yes!  Both!  She is in a mixed state.

I have the added characteristic of being a rapid cycler. This mean my emotions are all over the map a lot of the time.  You know what an EKG looks like with the rapid up/down lines? Well? Imagine that is a person’s emotions where they are high for a while then they are okay then sad and do on.  But you my moods actually change as fast as an EKG looks with the almost straight lines.  I can be happy, sad, crying, mad, angry, rage, sad, then happy and  laughing my head off okay all within an hour without anyone causing the changes.  The medication I am on now helps a lot, but I still have episodes which I don’t like.

Good night for now.  I’ll write more tomorrow…..maybe….lol!