3 Day Quote Challenge: Day 1

Thank you very much goes out to Stuart Tutt of Something to Stu Over for nominating me for this challenge.  I find that it is an interesting challenge especially for someone like me that doesn’t write/post very often.

The rules are simple and as follows:

  1. Thank the person who nominated you.
  2. Post a different quote for 3 days straight, and explain why each one appeals to you.
  3. Nominate at least two new bloggers each day

 

I’ve had an interesting life which has left me with a lot of negative thinking and feelings.  After a lot of seeing doctors over the years and research in God’s Word, I’ve come to the point that I need to change something from negative to positive if I want a more godly life. I started reading the book Deliver Me from Negative Self-Talk.

I chose the following quote:

“An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself.”

– Albert Camus

This quote really made me stop and think. Thinking in and of itself is both very complicated and simple at the same time.  It is the way that the mind talks.  The book goes on to say that the act of thinking produces thoughts which turns into words leading to actions which creates character.  If your mind is like mine, sometimes it is really hard to even catch a single thought to focus on an turn them into words.

If you are always negative in your thoughts and actions then your life will be negative.  Positive thoughts and actions then will birth a positive life.  You have to change the way that you are thinking to change your character or life.  If I want to be more God-like, then I need to put more of God’s Word in my mind and heart and it will be reflected in my character.

 

Thank you to Stuart for letting me participate in this challenge.  I nominate the following bloggers for this challenge:

  1.  James Edgar Skye,  The Bipolar Writer
  2. Stephanie Jafta, GODINTEREST

For those I nominated, please understand you do not have to participate if you chose not to.  It’s just something fun and challenging.

Journal 2018 – Day 7 – Bipolar and Sexuality

Bipolar Disorder effects all areas of your life but one area I didn’t know it effected much was sexuality. The thing with sex and bipolar is that either you have it in spades and running over or you don’t have an active libido at all. I am of the later which is why I didn’t know it was part of the Bipolar Disorder. A friend of mine didn’t care whom she had sex with, or what kind of sex she had or with how many men she had it with at one time without any protection at all. This kind of reckless sexual activity is called hypersexual behavior is common in Bipolar disorder. Then there is the other side of the coin when another friend of mine had no interest in sex at all. She didn’t want to be touched in any way at all. Not even from her boyfriend. She was fine with cuddles and hugging and kissing, but going further than that made her run out of the door screaming as if she had been touched by a hot poker. As you can see neither one of these situations puts the person in a very good sexual position. The bad thing about the medications for Bipolar Disorder is that it can stop the hypersexual behavior of the Mania phase of the Bipolar disorder but in most cases it will  completely turn their libido off for good.

Some say that Bipolar disorder is the reason for sexual addiction. The two are often difficult to untangle. According to the National Alliance for Mental Illness (NAMI) article “Opening the Door on Hypersexuality,” the prevalence of in the people with bipolar disorder is on average 57%. It involves a significantly heightened sex drive resulting in things like “constantly thinking about sex, a preoccupation with pornography, an abundance of one-night stands, engaging in sex with multiple partners, having random sex, seeking out prostitutes or having multiple affairs even when in a committed relationship.”

Most of these sexual encounters don’t mean anything to the person with Bipolar.  They get momentary pleasure from the experience, but they just crave the act of sex.  They don’t really care where or how they get it.  There is no emotional element to these sex acts. When this disorder has disrupted a person’s life almost totally, that person might become a prostitute to hide their sexual appetite.  This way they  can have as much casual, meaningless sex they want.

People with Hypersexuallty are often more likely to try more risky sexual positions and experiences such as being tied up and blind folded. Masters and Servants are also games that can be played as well as the use of whips and chains.  There is one game that even I am willing to play and as stated above I’ve got no libido, and that game is Dirty Minds.  I’d check it out if you want a little fun.

I hopw that I have given you something to think about.  You can’t always judge a book by its cover.

Jeremiah 29:11 Misunderstood?

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”

Jeremiah 29:11  (KJV)


In other versions of the Bible the word, “thoughts” are changed to the word, “plans”.  This seems like a straightforward, direct, no holds bar, statement on the outside.  Let us look on the inside.  This statement sounds out of context like God is talking to every single person individually.  Let’s take a look at Jeremiah 29:4 (KJV)) and test this fact;

“Thus saith the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, unto all that are carried away captives, whom I have caused to be carried away from Jerusalem unto Babylon;”

Do my eyes deceive me? Does that look like a one or all?  By George I think is talking to ALL His people instead of just one person at a time.  I guess God can get tired of saying the same thing over and over again.  (LOL)  So the you in Jeremiah 29:11 is not meant for an individual but for all of God’s people.  Isn’t it grand that God knows our thoughts before we do?

Okay, let’s look at something else that may surprise you even more.  There was a condition on this promise.  Let’s look at Jeremiah 29:10 (KJV);

“For thou saith the Lord, that after seventy years be accomplished at Babylon I will visit you, and perform my good word toward you, to causing you to return to this place.”

Did I read that right? God’s wasn’t coming right then?  He’s going to make His people wait?  Why?  Because it was better for His people?  How is waiting better for his people?  Maybe they needed to get their act together.  Maybe  they needed to grow during this time of captivity and learn things. The important thing is that after 70 years, God came to carry them away to  Jerusalem.  They had to go through the storm of Babylon before they can reap the glory of God.

The storms are going to come, but God will bring you through them.  I have found myself having  to go through the storm a lot more often than not before I got to where God wanted me to be.  Of course, that might be because I grew up learning things at the University of Hard Knocks and didn’t really start listening or paying attention to advice from others until I was in my 30’s and 40’s.  What can I say?  I’m a preacher’s kids…..LOL

Even though this was a “you-do / me-do”  from a very long ago, it is still in effect today.  All God wants us to do is LOVE HIM and put HIM FIRST IN OUR LIVES. OBEY HIM and, let HIM TAKE CONTROL for change.  I know how hard it is to GIVE CONTROL OVER TO GOD because it’s the  one area that I am having the most trouble in.  I Like my control (LOL).  But it’s better His Way!  He wants to love us and take care of us and have only good things for us instead of all the bad that is in the world today.  We are here to show Jesus to the World.  Are you showing Jesus or something/someone else?

Prayer:

God, how I love You!!  You are way too good for me.  Please forgive me of my sins.  Thank You for everything that You do for me.  Thank You for keeping me safe for all these years and for all the years to come.  Thank You for all the blessings that You have given me and anyone reading this and all the ones in the future.   You are the Great Healer, Lord.  Please restore health to me and take away this pain.  “I didn’t earn it.  I don’t deserve it, but You give Yourself away.”  (from the song, “Reckless Love”).  Praise be to the Father, The Son, and The Holy Sprit. In Jesus Name I Pray, Amen.

Have a Blessed Day!!!!

 

 

Journal 2018 – Day 2 – My Diagnosis

Since the last journal entry was about my PTSD I thought that this one should be about my Diagnosis.  I was first diagnosis Manic Depressive when I was 22, which was a long time ago. More than half my lifetime to tell the truth. At first it was all depression. I was not sleeping at all. then crashing for a day or two then back up for an entire week before crashing once again. This was not good for me or my new husband. It didn’t help that he was in the Navy and working a job that kept him away from the house 16 hours a day every day for 7 days straight with varying breaks depending on shift that he was working on that week. I was left alone at the house with no one. He was a student Naval Officer so there was no Wives Club, yet. By the time he got home all he wanted was food and sleep and get up and do it all over again the next day.

The first thing they tried to straighten out was my sleep because without good sleep your moods are going to be out of whack anyway. The problem was that my body was adjusting to the medications too fast and they would stop working and I would stop going to sleep. Then we had to move and it was another doctor and different medications.

You see as with any mental illness, getting the medication right is a hit and miss, trial by error situation. You start off trying this and seeing if it works and adjusting as you go along. some medication will work on one patient, but not on another because we are all different. I cannot tell you the number of medications that I have been on since I was first diagnosis. It would blow your mind. And this is the longest I’ve been on the same medication in a while, 8 months with only a change in dosage.

When the Doctors On High changed Manic Depressive to Bipolar I where was no II at the time and it said that you had to be Manic (not happy but very active in the mind and body) for days . I was Manic for hours not days but mostly depressed with trouble sleeping so they changed my diagnosis to Major Depressive Disorder (MDD). Between all the moving around as a Naval wife, then the divorce and moving and marriage, and divorce, and marriage and divorce and moving around all the time and having had several doctors and a whole lot of medication, It’s a wonder I’m not dead yet! LOL

About two years ago my then doctor for some unknown reason yelled at the top of her lungs to me that I was no longer MDD but Bipolar II, PYSD, and schizoaffective and she never wanted to see me again. She gave me enough medication for three months which gave me enough time to find another doctor. Schizoaffective is schizophrenia with a mood disorder like mania or depression. I finally found the doctor that I now have and love. He lets me have an active role in my illness instead of just telling me what medications to take, I tell him what’s going on and he gives me options and let’s me choose for myself. This is a first and I like it. After a while seeing him, I asked if he really thought I was schizoaffective and he agreed with me that I was not schizoaffective because I didn’t have the hallucinations and delusions of schizophrenia. I know about schizophrenia because my mother has it. But he would not change what another doctor had done. So I guess I’m stuck with it.

Bipolar II is a form of bipolar disorder characterized by depressive and hypomanic periods. Hypomanic periods are at least four days of either elevated moods or irritable mood with periods of pressured speech, inflated self-esteem or grandiosity, decreased need for sleep. It is less severe than mania. It has similar symptoms with elevated mood and increased activity. Hypomania is a pleasurable state. It many confer a heightened sense of creativity and power. It can be hard to diagnose be it masquerades as mere happiness. Because it is an important part of the Bipolar disorder, it may cycle into depression.

Now you have to whole drawn out story of my journey so far with mental illness. Actually, My journey started a long time before I came to be 22. I have dealt with mental illness all my life, but it wasn’t my mental illness. It was my mother’s, but that is another story. Praise the Lord!

Journal 2018 – Day 1 – PTSD

Welcome to Day 1 of my new Journal to tract what I’m going through as a Christian with PTSD, Bi[polar II, and schizoaffective.    Now I know through my research that if you are schizoaffective Bipolar II is included within it added to schizophrenia so I am stating it twice in my above statement.  The reason I stated it the way I did is that is the way that my doctor informed of my diagnosis.

I have lived with these disorders for 29 years and counting.  I have been on a lot of medication with the many doctors that I have seen over the years trying to find the magic combination that will “fix” me.  The medication won’t “fix” anyone.  Let’s make that clear.  It does help to keep me together so that I can function like a human being for at least some of the time…..lolol

I’ve done a great deal of research into my diagnosis and medication.  In fact, I will investigate any medication that any doctor gives me before I take it.  It’s not that I don’t trust the doctors but I want to know what’s going on before I take it.  Anyway.  I thought that I would break up my diagnosis and look at each one up close.  I also thought that I would start with the easy one first.

PTSD you have most likely heard of. It stands for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  It is a mental condition that a person gets after they have experiences or witnesses a traumatic event.  It can result in a series of emotional and physical reactions to fear for their personal life and wellbeing.  Examples would be a car collision or other accident long term abuse physical or sexual assault, torture living in a war zone, a natural disaster or a life-altering experiences such as the death of a love one.  Symptoms of PTSD can be but are not limited to:

A] Physical Pain – Dizziness, digestive problems, headaches, chest pain, stomach issues, migraines, breathing difficulties, and fatigue.

B] Flashbacks and/or Nightmares – It is also know as re-experiencing where the person is suddenly and vividly reliving the event over and over again.  It can happen when you are asleep, but it can also happen suddenly in waking images or sensation of physical and emotional pain and fear.  Sometimes it will cause the person to become homebound because they fear the world outside.

C] Depression and/or Anxiety – Mental phobias or irrational and persistent fear and avoidance of certain objects or situations can cause paranoia and depression

D] Withdrawal – Sudden lose of interest in favorite hobbies, activities and friends in some that was socially active is also a symptom of PTSD. On the other end of the spectrum is seeking out risky behavior can also be a form of escapism through drug or alcohol abuse or thrill seeking.

E] Avoidance – Another one is why a person doesn’t what to do something physical or mental that reminds them of the event.

F] Repression – this is the intentional blockage of the memories that associated with the past even or experience

G] Emotional Numbing – A person after a trauma most of the time wants to numb their feeling  because it’s hard to suffer the pain when you don’t feel anything.  Unfortunately, numbing leads to withdrawal which eventually leads you to complete isolation from social circles.

H] Hyper-Arousal – Sometimes a person suffers from a form of the jitters so sever that it becomes impossible to relax due to the fear of threats. They are thought to be “on edge” or “jumpy” and easily frightened.

I] Irritability – A state of constant fear and paranoia that causes irritability, indecisiveness, and a total lack of concentration, sleeplessness and difficulty maintaining personal relationships.

J] Guilt and Shame – If they can’t get past the negative experience, the patient will find it difficult to move forward and maintain a healthy life.  Blame of themselves will come into the picture and they will constantly relive the event wanting to know what else they could have done to prevent it.  Finally, they will blame themselves for the tragedy and have immense shame and guilt for it.

Well, if you stayed through all the dry information part of this post then I will reward you with some personal information…..LOL  I know that is most likely not what you were looking for, but then why else would you be reading my blog?   I have PTSD because I was abused as a child and I have been in some really bad relationships.  I have dealt with most of it with the help of doctors, medication, friends, Jesus and God, but there are times that it sneaks up on me and the fear takes hold of me as if I was back there again.  I have no control at that point without the people around me that help me to remember my “helps” and that gets me back to the present so I’m not stuck in the past. Praise the Lord!!!!!  I am so thankful to the Lord for getting me to this point in my life!!!!!

Thanks for listening to me.  God Bless You!!!  I’ll talk more tomorrow!!!! Day 1 Out!!!!

To Complain or Not To Complain?

There are a lot of reasons to complain, but the main reason is pain.  Pain.  It is an interesting word.  It comes in so many different shapes and sizes.  In the Dictionary it means a feeling triggered in the nervous system. What a simple answer for such a complex word that causes so many feelings and emotions and images that come to ones mind and/or heart.  Some people can handle it so easily and others have such a struggle with just a paper cut which is nothing at all much less a busted lip or black eye.   Pain can manifest itself in so many very different ways; physically, sexually, mentally, emotionally and verbally.  It can feel like a pin prick at the tip of your finger, or a sting by a bee, the burn of the flame of fire, the ache of muscles well used, or the tingle of your funny bone after you have hit it on something hard.  If your lucky you only experience pain in one way in one area of your body such as only having mild Migraines.  Unfortunately, I have pain in several different areas and the pain is varied in multiple ways and intensity.  Some of  pain is correctable but not all so  I am classified as in chronic pain.  Chronic pain effects about 86 million people in American.  They range from mild chronic pain to severe chronic pain. Because I’m in the high mild chronic pain, I am on medications, but my pain doctor is trying  nerve blocks to cut down on some of the pain and it is working in some of the areas, but unfortunately not all.

For a long while I was constantly talking about my pain to everyone who would listen and some who wouldn’t. When people  asked me how I was doing, I would actually tell them about all the pain I was in and how depressed I was.  It turned people away from me, even though I didn’t realize it at the time.  I was so self absorbed and wrapped up in my pain-put-upon me wrap.  Finally, a friend who had not cut me off was brave enough to tell me to my face that they were tired of hearing all the negative thoughts that I was saying and to stop complaining.  She also told me that maybe if I didn’t talk about it so much, the pain might not be so bad.

Well, It made me stop and think.   I started thinking about other people for the first time in a long time. Would I like to hear about nothing but someone’s pain everyday, all day, long without stop?  No!  Would I try to do something about it? Yes, if I could.  If I couldn’t,  I’d do what I could for that person and pray for them.  I have started watching my words and trying extremely hard to stop talking about the pain at all , but there are times that the pain is just so bad that it  has to be acknowledged if for no other reason than to ask for pray or when you hit a hole in the road and your head hits the roof for your car.  .

My friend did make me think about the complaining, and I wanted to know what God said about it.   First, I had to define pain and complain as they apply in the Bible. According to the Vine’s Complete Expository Dictionary by W.E. Vine,  in the New Testament of the bible,  pain is both a noun and a verb.  As a noun it can be one of two Greek words; either pono  – “anguish” as in Revelation 16:10 or  ocin – “travail pain” as in Matthew 24:8 or “sorrows” as in 1 Thessalonians 5:3.  As a verb it can be basanizo or “ to rub on the touchstone to put to the test.” In this statement a ” touchstone” is a dark stone used in testing metals.  It can also mean in general “to distress” as in Revelation 12:2.

Now that we have an idea about what the Bible says about pain, let’s look at what it says about complaining.  In the Old Testament there are three different Greek words for complainer or complaint.  There are 1)mempsimoiros means “one who complains” or “complaining of one’s lot” as in Jude16. 2)momphe means “blame” or “occasion of complaint” or “quarrel” as in Colossians 3:13. 3) aitoma means “in charge” or complaints” as in Acts 25:7.

So we know the definitions but do we have the understanding of theses words and can easily use them yet? No! We need to put the definitions into action, so let us look into the Bible and see what God says about these concepts.  After Adam and Eve fall from grace, one of the things that God did was intensify a woman’s labor pains and added painful efforts with children.  Also because of their biting of the apple, we all as well will experience the pain of death.

According to Psalm 142:2 KJV we are suppose to lay complaints at God’s feet. In Isaiah 53 we get a eye opener on how both God and man look at these two concepts. It is clear that even when we were sinners, God loved us.  He took on all our sicknesses and He carries all our pains.  It also shows us as well that man has never treated prophets and men of God very nicely, but we were especially cruel to Jesus.

You have to keep in mind that God did everything for us that he has done not because of anything that  we could have done on this earth or in heaven.  We are born into sin thanks to Adam and Eve.  Not one of us is innocent and that includes babies. We have to stop complaining all the time or thinking that we are entitled to something in this world.  Thank be to God for loving us so much that he took on all our bad stuff so that we may have all of God’s good stuff.  AMEN

 

Welcome to Me and My Mind

I am a Real Southern Belle from Mississippi with a white hot temper and a stubborn streak a country mile wide. I’m open, honest, and blunt to a fault. I’m a hater of games except board games and cards but not poker (LOL).  I also don’t like causing drama in any of relationships except of course the good kind.  I am as comfortable working on a farm as I am dancing at a Grand Ball in society.
Welcome to the interworking’s of my mind.  Thoughts dart from here to there  all the time never staying in one place for very long.  They are sometimes calm but not often. Most of the time they are hard to tame. It will be interesting to see where this journey will go – COME JOIN IN!