Journal 2018 – Day 5 – Mood Swings

Mood Swings are such a pain in the butt.  Oh, how I wish things could go back to the good old days.  Back before I knew what depression, mania, hypomania, schizophrenia, and mixed states all meant.  Back when I was just an angry child who was always getting into fights because I have an Irish temper and a bad attitude.  Oh, the trouble I’d get into because of my rage.  Mom and I would get into such fights.  She had a good 8 inches to a foot in height on me and way over a 100 pounds, but I could knock her out when I wanted to because I had done it before once completely by accident.  What can I tell you?  She fell easily.

Now Back to the point…….Yes…..Yes….Mood Swings!  They can be easy like a breeze or violent like a hurricane. They can be brief or last for ages.  They can even be small like a drop in the a puddle or large as if a ripple in a lake.   They can be high as the clouds in the sky or low as Hell is from Heaven.  There is just no telling what is coming next with mood swings.  They are just so tricky way which is the big problem with them.

A time in the life with Mood Swings is as follows:

It’s 6:30 am and the sound of the alarm shatters sleep from your mind.  You don’t want to be awake, but you are.  You check around the room just to make sure of where you are and to take a mental note of yourself.  You slowly get up out of  bed, taking inventory and coming to the conclusion that your are in an okay mood today.  You have to check in with yourself every morning to make sure of how your feel because there is no telling otherwise.

You check your planner to see what is on the agenda for the day and lay out the clothes that you will wear for the day.  All of a sudden, anger falls on you as if the red fever just swift through the room and you don’t like the clothes you just picked out. You don’t want to go where you are suppose to go today.  You start yelling at the top of your lungs about everything that comes into your mind. Then a wave of laughter hits you so hard, you fall to the floor of your room rolling.  You just can’t stop laughing.  You don’t know why your laughing.  It’s as if someone as told you the best joke in the world and you just can’t stop laughing.  Then you choke!    Out of the blue you start crying as if someone stole your favorite teddy bear. Your still on the floor with tears running down your face.  You can’t get up because you are so upset.  You try to calm down and pull yourself together.  It takes time, but you finally do it.  Now your okay and finally get ready and walk out of your room.  When you look at the clock, you see that all that happened inside an hour.  Now it’s time to face the day.

Now, not all mood swings are this extreme or quick changing, but this gives you a good picture of the kind of feelings and emotions that a person deals with when they are dealing with mood swings.

Another things that I would like to address is the fact that people who do not have severe mood swings think that it is easy to deal with both yourself and the world around you because they don’t have a problem with it, but when you are fighting with yourself and dealing with the world at the same time, it is not easy in any way, shape or form.  It can be down right hard.  For example:

You have your mind telling you that your are sad, but it is more that sadness and you don’t know why and don’t know how to get out of it. You really just don’t want to do anything at all to tell the truth.  The sadness is more than just sadness.  It is something that you can’t explain, but people don’t want to hear that.  They just want you to get over it and do your job.    Then you have things that you HAVE to do in the world such as work and deal with people.  On top of that people in the workplace want you to be happy with a smile and with sadness you can’t smile.  So we try so very hard to please everyone and force that smile on our lips, but it is a false smile.

I hope you now have an idea of what mood swings are about.  Feel free to comment.

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