Depression, Depression go away

Does this sound family? Well, it kinda sounds like it is part of a good ole fashion children’s song that I learned when I was young. The only difference is that there’s nothing funny about this title.   Some people think it’s just being sad or having the blues for a day or two, but I have to disagree.  I’ve been putting up with it and trying to “handle” it for most of my life, and it is so much more . Sometimes I can fake it to make it for a short while, but since November and and even the beginning of this month it has been rough. I mean really bad.

The kind of depression that I’m talking about is the kind that totally takes over your life and sends your mind into the outer limits of the known universe. It makes you feel helpless. You don’t want to think.  You don’t read books because they make your head hurt because of thinking too much. You try to get lost in TV shows and movies. You will do anything to take your mind off your life  You don’t want to get out of bed to even go to the bathroom (but of course you have to).  You want the whole world to just leave you alone and just go away.  You have no energy to fight the world around you.  You have lost interest in doing even the smallest things.  You either sleep all the time or if you’re like me you hardly sleep at all.  You curl up on the sofa if you make it out of the bed, and either eat all you can or hardly anything at all.. You go from one extreme to the other.  Your emotions are all over the map.  You feel totally our of control.   You keep “falling” until you get to the bottom or want to commit suicide which is hitting the bottom with only one final outcome possible.

If you are really lucky,  you have some friends that can tell when you are on the slippery slope of depression and will help pull you back from that edge.  If not, here are some tricks to try before you hit the dirt bottom:

  1. The first and foremost thing that you should do is get into a good therapy program with a good medication plan. This is the best way to break the depression cycle. I’m not saying that it will keep the depression away, but it will lower the number of times that you will have to combat the depression.
  2. Changing your Physical activity and lifestyle. The more active you are the less depressed you will be. When you are inactive or not sleeping, your brain cells die, cognitive throughput slows down your brain creates false memories, you lose your filter to your brain, your right superior frontal cortex reduced in volume, and it doesn’t adequately regulate your feelings
  3. Change your way of thinking. Most depressed people have negative thoughts most of the time. A lot of them come from abused or difficult lives. If you can learn to forgive and put behind your past, then you can change your thinking from negative to positive. Start by looking up positive thinking in the Bible. It will not be easy but if you start with just one verse at a time, before you know it you will be thinking more positively in no time.
  4. Get in a routine. Depressed is the enemy to a meaningful life and days blend into each other. It strips away all the structure and framework in your life. You no longer want to go out with friends. In fact, you want nothing to do with anyone much less your friends. If you have a gentle routine that you can get back into, the depression will not be able to keep its hold on you.
  5. Set goals. Depression sits heavy on your heart and you like nothing is going your way. You feel like you can’t accomplish anything. Of course, this does not help your self-image. By setting small “doable” goals that you can succeed at and you will start to feel better about yourself. As you start to feel better, upgrade the goals to challenging yourself.
  6. Exercise. I know this doesn’t sound like something that anyone wants to do when you are depressed and to tell you truth it’s not. I’m not talking about going to the gym and work yourself out on heavyweights, but taking a walk about the apartment complex or block is not that much to ask. You will be surprised by the way that it will help you feel better.

Just by using one or two of these tricks can help you get out of the depression sooner. They have worked for me and I have 29 years experience dealing with Bipolar II-depression. It’s not easy, and I’m not telling you it is, but you can deal with it. My prayers go with you.

Transform Your Mind for God

Romans 12:2 NKJV

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mins, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

Before you can transform your mind, you have to start every day to humble yourself before the Lord. To humble yourself, you have to first admit and then show your helplessness to follow God on your own, but willing to follow the teachings of Christ as well as acquire His character as your own. You labor in vain if you don’t receive inner power, all that is good, as well as love from God. You can’t love without receiving love from God. God is love and He gives His grace and love only to the humble.

James 4:6 NKJV

“But He gives more grace. Therefore He says:

‘ God resists the proud

But gives grace to humble’ “

God wants you to love and obey Him and also draw close to Him. When you do these things and keep yourselves open up to Him all the time, you can stand on and claim His love, power, and fulfillment.

When you start feeling like you are slipping far away God, you should drop down to your knees and start praying right then and there. First, you humble and then confess to God every sin that could be standing in your way to God. Search your Bible and then wait for the “golden nugget” that God wants you to learn from the “down time”. It might be greater empathy for others, more of God’s character, or even more of His love. Waiting for God/Holy Spirit’s unlimited potential and resurrection power living inside of you is the only way to endure the pain of this world and waiting for the “nugget” that God is wanting to give to you.

II Corinthians 10:5 NKJV

“casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,”

Now that you are waiting on God, you have to take you ideas, thoughts, imaginations, dreams, and beliefs captive to the obedience of Christ. All your words, actions and emotions come from somewhere inside you. They come from your mind and heart and you can wake each and every morning with the assurance that you have the power to control how you feel, what you say, and how you act during the entire day and night with God’s help. It is a constant adventure and daily war because the closer you are to God the more Satan doesn’t like it. No one is a victim!

Keep God first and you can’t go wrong.

OOOOPPPPSSSS!!!!! Not Again??????

It’s happened again, I think!!!! I’m not sure right now. I hope not because it could mark the end of a very dear friendship that I would hate to loose. If it did happened again then this time we know at least two things for certain. First of all, I didn’t try to commit suicide this time just like before. Secordly, we know what caused it this time which is most likely the same reason that it happened in 2011. It was caused by my new pain medication (Oxycodone/Acetaminophen 10/325). I guess my pain medication doesn’t like playing with my mental drugs.

Now let me start at the beginning of this tale. Back in 2011 around the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, my 12 year old daughter had to call an ambulance for me not once but twice due to my getting very sick and out of my mind but the hospital was not sure of why. It was later determined that I had undergone an Altered State of Consciousness caused by a medication mix-up where my conscious mind went to sleep and stayed asleep while my subconscious mind came awake and had a “good old time”. My ex-husbands kept saying that I had attempted suicide which I firmly stood against.

This Christmas, it happened again. I am just now coming out of the worst of it and don’t really know what has happened over the last three weeks. I remember getting the new pain medication, and taking the first dose. After that not much at all until this morning. What I do remember is more like pictures instead of video. I remember a hospital or two. Something about the police and falling down the stairs – a lot. A need to taking care of the animals, but not really wanting to. I must have been in a few fights because I am tender all over my body. Even my head hurts. My ribs on the left side are really tender, but I don’t know how or why. My room is a total mess, but I’m going to get to cleaning it soon.

I pray that 2019 doesn’t continue the way it has started.

Thank You!

Today, I have to tell you that I’m thankful for a lot of things in my life. Let me start with the basics. I am thankful for God who created me in His own image.  I’m thankful for Jesus who died on the cross for my sins. This means that I can ask for forgiven and become Holy again in the eyes of God.  My name is now written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.

I’m very thankful to every one of you that read my blog.  You take time out of your busyness to read what I said that day. You might even comment on it as well and start a conversation.

I’m thankful to my family, friends and my church family.  Y’all have taught me so much so much and have helped me grow in Walk with the Lord. You have helped me out when I needed it. Eric and Bonnie, Mark and Kitty, Ellen and Wylie, Barbara, Ms. Annie, Jennifer, and Michelle just to name a few.  You know who you are.

I am thankful for my ex-husbands for making me the better person that I am today.   Eric, you showed me the truth of and gentle side of real love, and what it means to be a true Southern Gentleman. I’m just sorry that I threw it away. Philip, you brought out a strength and determination in me that I didn’t know I had. You opened my eyes to several different worlds and I learned a lot. Paul, you supported me no matter what crazy idea I had. You got me to go back to college, and I now have my AS in Accounting.  Some members of my family thought I wouldn’t go back to college much less get a degree.

These are only a few of the people and the that I am thankful for. If you are not mentioned I am sorry, but you are loved as well.

Smile! It’s a New Day in Fairyland

I know that I have been remiss in my writing to you. I made you a promise when I started this blog. I told you that I would write often and the last couple of months I only posted once that I can remember. I can tell you that last month was a bad month for me with depression. It didn’t help that at every time I looked at the blank screen, I got a headache because I could not think of but a few words to put on the screen. I didn’t want to do you the disservice of just a few words so instead, I didn’t do anything. Now I think I did you the more wrong, and for that I am sorry.

Well, Today it hit me like a train. Do you like questions and opinions. I love talking and giving my opinion. Also, how about I ask questions and answer them here on the blog. If you have a different answer, a way of handling something, or opinion, then you can comment and tell me, I’ll read them, then I’ll post them to the blog, and reply to them so we can get a real conversation going . This way you, my readers, can have a real say so in the blog. Maybe we can even spark a real DEBATE!!!!!!!

Now I will still write other pieces. You hopefully will comment on them as well. I love your comments, and I want them. They”re the only way I know how I am doing with the blog. I need your comments you could say

It has come to my attention that people have found “spieiling” errors in my posts. I try very hard to spell correctly. I have a spell checker on my computer, but that is not to say it’s without fault. If you find a spelling mistake in one of my posts, please comment with the word (first how I spelled it – and – correct spelling) example (bieing – being). Spelling has never been my strong suit.
I want you to know that I am a Christian and a Lady, and I will respect your opinion whether is differs from mine or not. I do expect to be treated with respect as well and talked to in a tone of decency. I will not post anger, hateful, crude, sex filled comments. This will not turn into a venting or nasty blog.
My basic belief is that God is my Father and Jesus is His Son and his death saved me from Death. I have accepted Jesus into my life as my Lord and Savior and asked God to forgive me of my sins. As it turns out, I practically have to do that every day due to the fact that I’m not perfect.

I may not agree 100% with the opinions of President Trump, but I stand behind him and our government, and our judicial systems though they may be flawed. I still believe that this is the best country in the WORLD! Finally, I know I’m going to hear about this one, but I am a REPUBLICAN through and through.

Now that we have that out of the way……..Let’ s talk!

Superhero’s

I am always looking for things to write about. While  I was reading on MyKLove this morning, I came this article: My Superhero Identity and it really hit me in the gut.  I mean…..Who did  you look up to in the superhero world?  Which one was your “Number One Person” ?  I have to admit that I agree with Pastor Joesy about Wonder Woman.  I  did have some of the same thoughts about Wonder Woman.  But to tell you truth, I didn’t identify with a hero at all,  but a little bit  of a villain.

My person was  Cat Woman.  My life kinda mirrors hers, yes, I even stole and made some destruction in my time. Doesn’t most teenagers to some extent? I was a mouse coming up.  I know….Now, that is hard to believe with my loud mouth and direct questions, but I didn’t know how to stand up for myself.  I was always looking for the approval of a man because I never got the approval of my father.  He wanted a boy and I defiantly was not that.  He did teach me to have a firm handshake.  I have be told that I could brake someone’s hand with my handshake.  LOL

Cat Woman  was weak in the first place and a little helpless stepped on mouse who didn’t know how to stand up for herself.  Then the frightful night came and she got taken by the cats, only to awake to a brand new day.  She discovered that she was more with the help of the cats, and that is when she was turned to hurt men because she saw them as the ones that put her down.

I was this weak wallflower  like Cat Woman until a man beat me so bad that I almost lost one of my children and I finally found the courage to call the police and send him to jail.  The judge  then sent me to AL-ANON.  In that first year I finally found that I was not  this weak little thing that most people in my life had told me I was.  I also found out that I had a voice and more strength  to stand on my own two legs without depending on a man for everything.   I took my kids out of a bad situation and tried to raise them on my own.

Now my Superhero is Jesus.  I will follow Him anywhere.  He is my Lord and Savior.  I love Him very much.  God is my Father and is Love.  He is teaching me how to Love better and intimately.  I also love him.  I am filled with the Holy Spirit.  I listen to him all the time so that I can know what God wants me to read in His Word, study and take into my  heart, and what He wants me to do and say and know. Praise the Lord for His grace and mercy!!!

My Favorite

You have them in every family: your favorite brother, sister, uncle, aunt, or even cousin. I could go on, but I won’t. (Lol) Mine happened to be an uncle and aunt pair on either side of my family. One that has been around me since I was little and one that I’ve just really noticed while I’ve been an adult. Let’s call the first one Charles and Leigh Ann and the other ones George and Dana.

Charles is not much older than me and has therefore has been more of a big brother to me than an Uncle.  Leigh Ann turned out to be Charles’ forever wife and came into my life more like when I was 10 years old.  They had a long engagement which I loved because even though Leigh Ann was a little older than Charles she still treated me like a little sister. This I thoroughly enjoyed.  I knew that I could talk my trouble her about anything that was of a womanly topic

Being an only child had not been much fun. I mean come on. I could not get away with anything. I couldn’t play the blame game. For example, Mom cleans the bathroom and I mess it up. Mom gets mad. “Cheryl! What did you do to this bathroom?” I can’t say, “Well, I didn’t do it. Tory did it!” Mom did not even believe in my invisible friend doing things and getting me in trouble. I was always getting into trouble, for stuff I did because I didn’t have anyone else to blame it on. It was not fair. But as my family says, “Who told you life was fair?”

Charles and Leigh Ann are down to earth Christian people that will help anyone if they can. They have always been there when I needed someone to talk to about anything. They have truly been on my side throughout growing up and even into adulthood. When I felt my world spinning around and  coming apart at the seams they have been there and talked me back from the ledge. I have not always done what I’ve said I would do, and I’ve done wrong towards them in the pasts, yet they have still stood by me. Please forgive me for the way that I have treated you in the past.   Thank you, Charles and Leigh Ann for all the things you have done for me. I love Y’all and you are always in my prayers.

Now onto George and Dana: These are two people that have surprised me in a lot of ways. My dad and I have had problems all of my life, and I am sorry that we could not solve those problems before he pasted away in 2011. Out of the blue George and Dana started talking to me recently and come to find out we have a lot to say to each other that I at least did not know. One of the things I learned that really surprised me was that they actually cared about me and was interested in what I was doing these days.

I have not always treated them right, and for that I’m sorry.  Please forgive for that.  Y’all are special, God-fearing people.  Before six months ago, I only talked to them at family reunions or functions which are not happening anymore now that my grandparents are dead. You see they like the Steelers or the Eagles. I don’t know which one. I’m a Bronco’s fan myself. (LOL)

It’s good to have family that you talk to regularly. You never know when one or all will be dead and out of your life. Last week, I got a some bad news about Charles. I started praying for my him and my whole family.  I’m posting this with the knowledge that he is doing a lot better. Praise be to the Lord. Pray does work. Pray and watch God show up and show out!